” No relationship is perfect,ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater.”
- Sarah Dessen
Things got too busy with my life lately that I wasn’t able to write anything here. From being busy at work, going through some struggles, surviving to get out from a depression that rooted many months ago of losing someone and it keeps coming back, working on my issues, I LOST MY BALANCE.MY MOMENTUM. And losing grip of my relationship whom I thought it was perfect and all good.
For the past three weeks of being calm, being able to have a clear mind and perspective, I was able to validate things. I was able to see things in a larger perspective.
Looking back to my past relationships (you’ll be surprised but I only have 4 relationships in my 34 years of existence. All of them were long terms ranging from 1 1/2 years -8 years being together) and watching couples and hearing from them, I somehow validated things that will keep every relationship going or what are the foundation of a strong relationship. Or somehow, What I have learned from those relationships. Or which part I had failed as a partner.
There’s a complexity to compromising. With gender roles ever evolving it’s important to recognize it’s not about who wears the pants. It’s about balance. Compromise is an inherent part of a relationship. You will have to sacrifice in a relationship. That’s the nature of relationships. If you want your way all of the time, stay solo. It’s about finding a healthy balance in compromise. Both people in a relationship must understand that necessity of compromise and sacrifice in a relationship to make it work.
Communicate. It will fail if you don’t.
Everyone has flaws, notice yours and try and work on them. Everyone makes mistakes. Prince Charming probably had one beer too many on occasion. Cinderella probably spent too much on shoes.
Don’t push away true love, it’s hard to find and harder to keep. It takes work, so be careful and love fully.
She’s not always “crazy”. She’s not crazy for asking “whatcha up to”, she’s not crazy for not liking that girl that’s always hitting on you, by pushing that she’s crazy on her you’re telling her something’s wrong with her, you’re pushing her away.Instead of calling her crazy, listen to her, no, don’t just listen, hear her. Think of what she’s saying and try to do some of the things she asks.
He’s not always a cheater. Just because someone before him cheated on you doesn’t mean he will. Don’t assume that when he’s out with friends that he is with a girl, just because he doesn’t text back immediately doesn’t mean he’s cheating. By always being suspicious, by always questioning him you’re pushing him away, telling him you don’t trust him. And honesty and trust are the basis of relationships.Instead of pushing your trust issues on him, discuss how you feel, how someone broke your trust once and how it’s hard to trust now.
Do not assume. ASK!
Each of us makes assumptions in our relationships. These assumptions might originate from outside sources, like the media and our family and friends, which “have been taken out of context, misread or blown out of proportion,” said Ashley Thorn, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Salt Lake City, Utah.
If we fail to discuss our thoughts and feelings with our partners, asking enough questions or listening to them, assumptions will likely rise.We tend to decide for a thought you are having as fact when you don’t have all the information. This will lead to poor decision-making. And this will be a serious toll on any relationship. Assumptions also don’t let partners share their side. Assumptions leave people feeling undervalued and unheard.
What’s the biggest assumption I did?
It’s the fact that I thought my partner can read my mind. And when he can’t, I believe that he does not care or love me at all.
We often assume that we’ve communicated thoughts, feelings, needs, desire effectively when most of the time we really haven’t. Instead, we ONLY give hints and use blaming.
Or if we’ve communicated something directly to our partner, we assume that talking about it once is enough.We assume our partner “understood the full range of our thoughts.”
However, the best approach is to be specific and clear about what we think, feel and want.
You can’t fix your partner. They only will.
You can’t fix them. You can only help them fix themselves. You can’t resolve their work issues or wipe away all of their insecurities or get their parents back together. All you can do is be there for them and help them through it. Getting frustrated about your inability to fix your partner will agitate their struggles and strain your relationship.
Be wary in sharing things about your relationship to your friends.
To a certain extent, it is healthy to discuss your relationship with your friends, but be cautious. If you discuss every little worry, every argument, if you air every grievance, you will poison your friends against your significant other. Find a healthy way/source to vent to that won’t backfire.
Never make drastic decisions.
Making drastic decision out of spite, or when you’re hurting will end up with regrets. Let all things settle.Clear your mind with hatred, frustration, guilt, remorse. Like really, Clear your mind of negative thoughts and learn to attract positive vibes. You, having a clear mind and a calm emotion will allow you to see things in a bigger picture. See things beyond what you see when you’re all being grumpy and hateful.
In a relationship, if you don’t talk, you’ll never pass those tests life throws at you. Love is an obstacle, one of you is blindfolded and the other is guiding if you don’t talk you’ll never make it to the finish line, will you? Love is not easy, but it’s harder if you can’t talk. Love is a two-way street.
And if you done all of these and still fail, always remember that tomorrow is another day. Get hurt, contemplate, accept, get up from where you fall. If love is real, it will eventually find it’s way back home.What it’s meant to be will always find its way.Let go of people who doesn’t want to be a part of your life. Remind yourself that it’s not the end of the world, let alone it’s not the end of your life. If not, accept it but NEVER HATE.NEVER BEG FOR LOVE.
I am no love expert for I also keep every day and in every relationship that I am with. It’s like going to remedial class every time you fail. I hope these things will help you and your partners. Wish you all the best in life as well as happiness.
Spread love, not hate. Positive vibes!